thirty three

today i've been on this planet for thirty three years. it sounds like such a long time until i realize that i'll live this whole amount of years again, once, hopefully twice before it's all over. and at thirty three it's funny how things are suddenly so long ago. i was thinking about some of my favourite birthdays and one in particular - a surprise party at the black dog in edmonton, my friends had all pitched in and bought me a nintendo 64 (a huge expense at the time) and my on again/off again boyfriend had driven five hours to bring my best friend who had moved to calgary to celebrate with me. it was a brilliant night, a great birthday... i think i was 20, maybe 21 so this was all twelve or thirteen years ago. wow. (and how bad is it that i can't actually remember how old i was??)

last year on this day i was pregnant with mae but didn't know it. we'd been trying to get pregnant for a long, long time and this would have been the eleventh month of disappointment. except it wasn't. i celebrated my birthday with close friends, having a gorgeous night of wine and japanese food at misuzu's (i'm so glad i had plenty of sashimi and shiraz that night because little did i know there was a long drought to follow). a week later i had an appointment with a fertility specialist, we talked of tests to be done and routes that could be taken. a nurse called me to set up one of the tests the following week and i was able to say to her, in a quiet voice at my work desk, "um, i don't think i'll be needing that...". and here we are, a year later, the most gorgeous baby, the happiest mother and the proudest father, celebrating another birthday : )